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Whispers from the Cherry Blossoms [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
retell, retell, retell my stories

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Damn you, delicious delicious steak. [Sep. 14th, 2009|09:06 am]
I went to the doctor's yesterday because they called me for a follow-up after my physical. "That can't be good," I thought.
I have: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, an infection. I need to back for a 3 and 6 month follow-up as well as a HepA shot round 2. I am loaded with medication. Ugh. I'm not invincible, but I did not think that it would be like this. 
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twenty.20.twenty.20. [Sep. 7th, 2009|10:32 pm]
Happy birthday to me. I am in the odd limbo where I am no longer a teen and not yet a legal drinking and high stakes gambling adult.

I moved back to school. Two of my suite-mates were already moved in and their stuff was everywhere. There are four girls. There are four cabinets. Doing the math, it works out. Nope. They took up three and left one for me and Jessica Maria. Hmmm. Jessica Maria talked to them though. After we unpacked and settled in, our complaints began to subside.

I did not do much for my birthday initially. David Lee took me to see Inglourious Basterds, which I had already seen. It is such a good movie though. Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino, I am sold. I got a call from my pal Spencer and met up with him, Clay, David, Pedro, and Josie. Spence is so funny, it's indescribable. I could not stay and hang out with them longer because Jessica Maria said I had to come back to our dorm. So I rushed back and the kids set up a surprise party for me. It was so sweet and very chill. I looked around and realized that I have some pretty good friends and very interesting people in my life. I should never forget that.
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Because every bored person deserves an invasive survey [Aug. 29th, 2009|10:09 pm]
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
white

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes

4. Do you plan outfits?
sometimes

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
good, snuggled in an oversized sweatshirt and watching House

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Skullcandy headphones

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I was interrogating a girl about her whereabouts

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
John, Leah's boyfriend. Leah being my boss, Kristen's sister.

9. What are you craving right now?
roast beef sandwich with cheese and sauce

10. Do you floss?
when I am bored or feel the need

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
wannabe cabbage

12. Are you emotional?
Yes

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
not by ones

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick and nibble

15. Do you like your hair?
yes

16. Do you like yourself?
most of the time

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
 a girl's gotta eat, but he's not my type

18. What are you listening to right now?
Third Eye Blind

19. Are your parents strict?
my father is; my mother is more reasonable

20. Would you go sky diving?
it seems exciting, but realistically, I am a bit weary of the idea

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I have never tried it before

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
The Dropkick Murphy's for the two seconds I got their autograph

23. Do you rent movies often?
Netflixxxxx

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
my jewelry

25. How many countries have you visited?
USA and Europe = 2

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
yes

27. Ever been on a train?
yes

28. Brown or white eggs?
there's no difference and doesn't really matter to me

29.Do you have a cellphone?
LG ENV2

30. Do you use chap stick?
yes if my lips are chapped, but I apply lip balm regularly out of habit

31. Do you own a gun?
no

32. Can you use chop sticks?
of course, I would be shunned as an Asian if I could not

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
tonight is me time

34. Are you too forgiving?
it depends, but I can be naive

35. Ever been in love?
yes, but I could have been lying to myself

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Ashleyee is probably having dinner with her family, Ariel is most likely working, AK is inclined to laying low or partying, Joseph is definitely going to be at church

37. Ever have cream puffs?
yes

38. Last time you cried?
today: it was not my fault, Leah just says things to me that are oddly emotional and funny

39. What was the last question you asked?
Can I go to the storage room?

40. Favorite time of the year?
autumn

41. Do you have any tattoos?
yes, on my upper left thigh

42. Are you sarcastic?
yes

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
no

44. Ever walked into a wall?
sadly, yes

45. Favorite color?
red and orange: bright, burnt, metallic, deep

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes

47. Is your hair curly?
no, very straight

48. What was the last CD you bought?
bought: Mae, downloaded: The Strokes

49. Do looks matter?
yes, to an extent

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
maybe

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I've never seen it, my parents pay for that shit

52. Do you like your life right now?
I should not complain

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
no

54. Can you handle the truth?
I want the truth, does my ability to handle it really matter?

55. Do you have good vision?
-2.25 in each eye

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
definitely, handsdown

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
I text way more than talk on the phone

58. The last person you held hands with?
Brian

59. What are you wearing?
Oversized Ohio State sweatshirt and pink Cape Cod sweatpants

60.What is your favorite kind of soda?
Schweppes ginger ale or Fresca

61. Where was your facebook picture taken?
at Fisher College, waiting for AK to get out of work

62. Can you hula hoop?
yes

63. Do you have a job?
two, but they do not overlap seasonly

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
season three of House from Best Buy, who gave me a $5 gift certificate for free for doing so

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes

...............................................

Time started: 10:44

Basic About you
Name: Susan
Gender: F
Height: 5'2" or 3"
Eye color: brown
Hair Color: black
Age: 19, but almost 20
Birthday: Sept. 7th
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: righty
Piercings: ears
Tatoos: one
Zodiac Sign: virgo
Ring Size: 6.5 or 7
Grade: second year of college

More about you
Are you named after anyone?: no
Do you live in the moment?: not at all, but that does not mean that I do not take chances sometimes
Do you consider yourself tolerent to others?: very
Do you have any secrets?: of course
Do you hate yourself?: no
Do you like your handwriting?: yes
Do you have any bad habits?: cutting my own spit ends
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: perhaps
Any regrets?: everyone has them
Do you think life has been good so far?: I should not complain
Are you confident?: so I have been told
How long does it take you to shower?: 10-15 minutes
What color is your room?: lemon drop yellow
Where do you want to attend college?: NEU

Do you...?
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: nothing that is not prescribed to me
Drink?: no
Go to church?: not regularly, but I make appearances
Sleep with stuffed animals?: only when I am depressed
Take walks in the rain?: yes
Talk to people even if you hate them?: yes, my tolerance astounds some
Drive?: yes
Believe in premarital sex?: I believe it occurs, yes
Want to get married?: someday
Want to go to college?: yes
Want to have children?: either none or two
Sing in the shower?: yes
Get along with you parents?: sometimes
Get along with your sibling/s?: most of the time
Color/highlight your hair?: bleached streak behind my right ear
Like coffee?: yes
Wear makeup everytime you go out?: no
Love roller coasters?: love is too strong, but I will ride
Like to cook?: yes

Have you ever...?
Hurt yourself?: not intentionally
Been out of the country?: yes
Been in love?:
yes, but I could have been lying to myself
Done drugs?: not ones not prescribed to me
Gone skinny dipping?: no
Had surgery?: no
Played strip poker?: no
Been on stage?: yes
Pulled an all nighter?: yeah
Gone one day without food?: yes
Slept all day?: no
Kissed a stranger?: no
Had a dream that came true?: no
Broken the law?: yes, so rebellious
Stolen anything?: yes, but nothing huge
Been on radio/tv?: newspaper
Been in a mosh-pit?: yesss
Bungee jumped?: no
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
Gone out of state?: yes
Live in other states?: I've lived in the same house my entire life
Eaten an entire box of oreos?: not at one sitting
Had a movie marathon?: yes
Spun until you were immensely dizzy?: yes
Been on a plane?: yes
Ran into a wall?:yes
Been rejected by a crush?: yes, that is why middle school and junior high was invented
Cried in public?: from laughing too hard
Cried over a movie?: yes
Pranked called someone?: yes
Gotten a cavity?: no
Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch?: no
Broken a bone?: fractured
Fallen from a tree?: no
Passed out?: no
Been to a theme park?: yes
Eaten sushi?: yes

This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Coca-Cola
McDonalds or BUrger King: McDonalds
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Black or White: ...what?
Burgers or Hot dogs: burger
Boxers or breifs: boxers
Book or magazine: books
TV or radio: television
Is the glass half empty or half full: the glass is two sizes too big
sun or moon: moon
hot or cold: hot
romantic comedy or thriller: romantic comedy
waffles or pancakes: waffles, leggo mah Eggo
Florida or california: California, even though I have never been
Black and white or color photos: b/w are classy, but color is sometimes a neccessary medium
The city, the beach, OR the country: in order of preference- city, country, beach
Tennis shoes or sandals: sandals
Sweet or sour: sweet
Private or public school: I've only ever been to public
Cappuccino or coffee: coffee
English or history: history
Science or math: mathematics

Do you believe ...?
in miracles?: they are possible
in magic?: no
in God?: I want to.
in Satan?: not so much
in ghosts?: spirits are more believable
in luck?: I do believe in luck, but I also believe in Murphy's Law
in love at first sight?: no
in Santa?: no
in the Easter Bunny?: no
in witches?: no
that it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
in wishing on shooting stars?: I do not think it does anything, but I still do it
that cussing is a necessity in life?: not a neccessity, but it can provide relief
yourself?: on most days

Love and all that
Do you consider love a mistake?: no.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them?: yes
What is worst about the opposite sex?: ??
Who and when was your first crush?: Brandon, our neighbor
First thing you notice about the opposite sex?: face

Right this moment...
What are you wearing?: oversized sweatshirt and pink sweatpants
What are you worried about?: move-in day
What book are you reading?: We the Living by Ayn Rand
What time is it?: 11:08
Are you bored?: getting there...
Are you tired?: a little, I'm going to bed after
Are you talking to anyone online or on the phone?: no
Are you lonely or content?: primarily content, but company would not be opposed
Are you listening to music, if so then what?: no, I'm half watching television

The Last...
Dream you had: I interrogated a girl.
Nightmare: My mom left. For good.
Time you cried: today, damn Leah
Movie you watched: Ponyo
Movie you rented: 17 Again
Book you read: The Early Ayn Rand, an anthology
Word you said: hi
Time you laughed: an hour or two ago
Person to call you: mom
CD you played: Stadium Arcadium by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Song you listened to: it was by Third Eye Blind
annoyance: Kristen yammering on and on while I was trying to read
IM sent or recieved: by Bill...ugh
Time you yelled: I dont really yell, I bottle things real bad
Person you yelled at: ...
Time you were a skirt: I wore a dress a few days ago
Time you fought with your parents: I try not to remember
Time you wished on a shooting star: a few years ago, shooting stars are not too common
Thing you ate: pluot
Time you showered: last night
Nail polish color worn: midnight affair blue

Your favorite
Type of gum: Orbit
Restaurant: The Ivy Restaurant
Season: autumn
Type of weather: warm summer rain, 80 degrees and mostly sunny, or 32 degrees and lightly snowing
Emotion: happy
Color: red or orange
Perfume: ile d'amor from Fragonard
Candy: Snowcapps or anything with caramel
Pizza topping: sausage, onion, greenpepper, and mushroom
Fruit: pluot
Veggie: potato
Type of cake: lemon or red velvet
Magazine: National Geographic, Stuff, and Improper Bostonian
TV Show: House, One Tree Hill
Day of the week: Fridays
Month: September
Holiday: Christmas
Number: 5 or 8
Sport to watch: lacrosse and hockey
Flower: daffodils

Finally...
Time Finished: 11:24


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Summer '09 thus farrr [Aug. 16th, 2009|09:26 am]
I love Lollicup. Evan, Yvonne, and even Jenny at times. These guys are just so funny. Even though some customers can be extremely stupid and Kristen is a bitch for trying to take the company money, Lollicup fo life yo.

I dated this guy, Bill, for a while. Umm...mistake?! He is Asian, goes to Tufts, and wants to be a doctor. Written on paper, he is perfect. My parents would have been so proud. But then again, he didn't have the right kind of game to get me. We did not click and he did not understand that. After I told him, he got kind of psychotic. He would ask again and again, "What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?" If I have to put on one more smiley face and say "It's not you. There, there." I will start killing. The last phone call we shared he had the nerve to ask me to set him up with one of my friends, called me cheap, and talked about how everything in his life has been so easy. One, I would never subject my friends to someone like you. Two, how in the world am I cheap? Three, I totally shut down his argument because things in life are never easy. He totally shut up after that. He Facebook messaged me later, apologizing, wanting to be friends, and saying that it is best that we do not talk for a while lest he says something stupid again. I am good with that last part. What a jerk. HongKong guys, pft.

I hung out with Trang the other day. It is already freaky how our love lives are so parallel, and because of that, she asked me for advice about her Brian situation. In the end, it amounted to the question, "How are you okay now? How long did it take to get over him?" My answer to her, "Time. And time takes time, even for us impatient girls." I am not hung up on all of that anymore or at least I am better about it all, I think. I will see my Brian or even Nate's name online and my eyes will still immediately levitate to them like they are written in bold font, but I smile and then proceed with life. They will always be special, and even though it may not seem like it now, someone else will come along and make you feel just as good or even better than they did back when the world seemed like sunshine.

David came home yesterday! How every exciting.

I have made a comfortable place at home again, but I am excited for school. Some of my friends are already starting to leave for school. Tomorrow is school shopping day! I do not even think that I need much more stuff other than plates and cutlery, but that could be achieved at Walmart. Jessica Maria mentioned coming up early to stay with me and then move in together, but I have not heard from her about definite plans, so I do not know. September is a month for fall beginnings.
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Every weekday night's the same [Aug. 4th, 2009|10:52 pm]
I need some canvas to paint my thoughts away or at least into perspective.

I could also use a little bit of faith. Maybe someone can help me achieve this.
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Way away [Jun. 26th, 2009|01:36 pm]
I have (a) problem(s). Admitting it is the first step, right?
Lately, I have been very emotional: happy to angry to laughing so hard that I cry, but then the crying turns to painful crying. I do not understand. I never used to be like this. In fact, in high school, I took pride in not being overly affected by things and not letting my emotions run away with me. My friends jokingly suggest that I am going through menopause. Really though, I am kind of scared about what is going on. Speaking about scared, more times than enough, I wake up and go through entire days feeling anxious and terrified like something bad is going to happen. I actually broke down crying at work one time because I did not feel safe. Ashleyee ended up coming over to my house to check up on me. It really gets to me. I just feel so helpless sometimes. The thing is, I realize all of this and cannot figure out how to alter it. Everything is fine and there should be no reason for me to be scared... and yet I get this notion that it is not and that there is reason.

Today I went for a run on one of the first sunny days in a long time. June has been a dreary and wet month. My parents signed up to be in a golf and fitness club. I went with them to check it out, and we spent some time at the driving range. Everyone was especially nice and polite. Today was one of the good days. Maybe I need to run more and do more sport. It kind of worked before when I felt like this, although my episodes have never been this severe. Running is basically a way for me to runaway from my thoughts and inhibitions. And sport just distracts me. As long as the weather holds up, I think that it is a plan.
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bottle and shelve all my regrets, let them ferment and come back to my senses [May. 28th, 2009|09:50 am]
I hung out with Brian yesterday. He woke up late, but we still made it to Harvard Square. I took him to my favorite places and shops and such. It was nice seeing him again. He did not bring a jacket and kept on insisting that I am cold as an excuse to go inside and get him warm. I gave him a hug to get him warmer. We went into an AuBonPain for a while, talked, and played with each other's fingers. I swear, we had a million opportunities to kiss and start this whole charade all over again, but we did not. Something was different about this and about him. Before I used to see this sensitivity and mannerism in him that I loved, which downplayed all of his bad aspects. Hanging out with him yesterday, his bad overshadowed the good, and I could feel it in his presence. I felt like he really didn't give a shit about life and not in a joking way anymore. I used to worry about him, but after seeing him, I just want to shake my head and walk away. I lost him. He lost something in him. Anyways, we met up with his friend Charlotte, had dinner, and went to a late movie. She is unabashed when talking to strangers. They bought a pack of cigarettes together for the walk to the theater, which really bothered me. The movie ended by 11:00. When we parted ways, I did not even say bye to Brian really. I do not know if he cared or even noticed. It is disheartening, but what am I to do? I feel like I have done enough. I am out.

To top that off:
I think that my fish, Swede, is dying after...what? two or three years of life.
My boss's girlfriend took their son and account money and ran off. Nice, huh?
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Not a sunny summer. That's because it is not summer yet. [May. 15th, 2009|11:51 am]
I woke up this morning feeling really anxious. This is not the first time that it's happened. It freaks me out and makes me feel scared as well as vulnerable. I am not a fan. I just get this eerie sense that things are not okay. But what is not to be okay? Everything is fine as far as rational sensibility goes. Why, then? Why do I feel like everything is not okay? I need someone to tell me that it is.
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Let the summer begin [May. 2nd, 2009|10:05 am]
So Brian and I are done. I wonder how many times I have said that and it ended up being true? Maybe this time, it will stick. I'm not broken up about it. We have broken up too many times for this to affect me and get a reaction out of me. He does not want to be in a serious relationship. Accept it. I am okay. Really, really.  Moving on...

Next week holds a NY and NJ adventure with some college buddies. It should be interesting. We will see how it goes.
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feeling a summer's kiss [Apr. 28th, 2009|08:57 pm]
I can check freshman year of college off of my list of things to do in life. It has been one ridiculous school year filled with love, heartbreak, events, silliness, illness, and whatnot in between. College has really opened my perspective. I just to be in this safe high school bubble, where this is how things are or how they should be. All of the people that I have met kind of forced me too see that one way is not the only way. I feel like I not only acknowledge complexities more, but accept them as well. And that was the hard part. Accepting. Throughout the year, I did a lot. I joined LEGO and CUP, went to hockey games, got free swag (Stuff We All Get), gained my portion of the infamous "freshman15," got a tattoo, and made my mark at my workstudy. Although my grade dropped in the second semester, I feel like I did well enough. Hopefully I will be able to bring my GPA up again next fall semester. It was an eventful year. No two years are ever the same. I want some aspects of next year to be the same, but that might be asking for too much. Or hoping for too much.

I saw Erin McCarley, Matt Nathanson, and Jack's Mannequin last night with Ashleyee and her friend Yelana. It was a pretty good show. Andrew sang his heart out, played a little Something Corporate for old time's sake, and danced on his piano for us. Good times. It was Ashleyee's first real concert and I am glad that I got to take her. Every kid deserves to see a good show.

Today I went to the beach with Joseph. Yes, yes. Joseph. He sent me a message on Facebook that kind of pissed me off because it made it seem like he was letting me down easy, when it was I who shut him down in the first place. I talked about this to a friend of mine and he said that I was playing it off like a power struggle. He was right. But the situation I was not right. I resolved to forget about it unless Joseph brings it up again, at which point I very well might explode in his face.

My summertime plans? After an epic job hunt, I am going back to Lollicup. I already have some traveling plans, which seem to still be tentative at this point. All of them. Indecisive, we are. I also hope to see Brian as he has assured me before that we would do, but so far, no bites. I'll give it some time before I start to melt down over him...again. Why do I bother? I try to remind myself why. Will it always work? We'll see. That'll do pig. That'll do.
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Let's get these teen hearts beating faster and faster... [Apr. 19th, 2009|06:43 pm]
MINDBLOWING.
NERVOUS.
ELATED.
STRESSED.
EASED.

...and the week has only just begun. Oh baby.
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Try this for ambiguous [Apr. 13th, 2009|06:50 pm]
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2009|03:46 pm]
Reasons why I am feeling much better:
~my conjunctivitis is clearing up.
~B is kinda back in my life. (Go figure. I'm kind of scared though. I don't want to hurt like last time, but I feel so happy in the here and how.)
~classes are ending soon. (I should be moving out soon. My last final is on the 24th.)

Things to look forward to:
~Summer (including but not limited to: beach, sun, air, and time)
~my car (I have gotta get my baby up and running again. Windows down, shades on, and nothing but highway)
~Jack's Mannequin concert!! (I got three tix. Me, Ashleyee, +1)
~Weymouth Variety Show (I have always had lacrosse practice and never got to see it in my day. Now I get to go, but it might be interrupted by picking up Ashleyee)

Things to be worries about:
~keeping my GPA up (Classes have been more difficult this semester than last. It will definitely result in more B's.)
~B (I always worry about him)
~getting a job for the summer (I have yet to hear back from any of the places I applied to. Eep! I don't know what to do.)
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Since when was the best yet to come? [Mar. 30th, 2009|03:26 pm]
I have been kind of lousy for the past...ohh, let's say...week.

I miss Brian. Not even being with him being with him. I just miss his silliness and nonchalant attitude. His company. I saw him a while ago and the guy next to me struck up a conversation with him. He must have seen me, and gave me no more than a boy nod. You know those mere nods to signal acknowledgment. It just felt cold to me. I have been strong and have not tried to go out of my way to contact him, but sometimes I wonder if he wants to be friends like I want to be friends. Ex's hate being friends from my experience.

I met Ashleyee's boy of interest, Val. Only, he hates being called that. I totally forgot and kept calling him that all afternoon. Whoops. He seems nice. He's tall, Dutch, and lives in Aruba. Fancy, I know. We hung out at Northeastern with the infamous Kevin Hadar. When we went back to my room, Brian McMahon, who I was hanging out with earlier, was found asleep in my bed. Eeep. This required some explanation. This Brian tagged along with us down MA Ave. and onto the T only to get off at the next stop. Val said he likes me. That is a bit too weird for my tastes. This Brian is already firmly established in the friend / big bro zone.

So last Thursday my eye was a little itchy. Spencer, from my IB social group noticed that it was red. No problem, I thought. No big deal. Then KittyKat saw it and said, "No, it is super red!" And red it was. The whites of my eyes no longer existed. Only reds. The next day I woke up and it was still bad. I skipped out on class and went to the college doctor. He said that I have bacterial conjunctivitis. He gave me some drops. I went to sleep that night and my infected eye was tearing up so bad, that I accidently cried into the other eye and got it infected too. Now, I have a constant look of pothead. Red, bloodshot eyes. Plus I have not been sleeping to well, which only contributes to my crappy-feeling self.

I was walking to Shaw's in the rain today, slipped, and fell. I did not fall hard enough to scrape my knee, but I did walk determined enough to break a hole in my sock.

I just feel awful. I am beginning to lose my appetite. My muscles feel tight. My eyes, I hope are getting better, but are still sometimes watery and itchy. I am constantly tired, but not sleepy. I just want to be. And lay there. But if I be and if I lay, I get bored and angry with myself because I am being unproductive. Gahh. No winning. No point.
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as if eye rolling could fix everything. [Mar. 23rd, 2009|07:33 am]
I am going to go at it alone. Screw these college kids. Not that all of them are fake, but I am just weary of them. They are kind of getting on my nerves. I do not need this in my life. I just need my real friends. You know, the ones that scattered across MA and everywhere else to get a life after high school. The semester is almost over. I think that a LOT of people are ready for a new beginning, don't you?
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